Velma, what exactly was that stuff you put in my tea?

Well, it wasn't wheat gluten, honey.

No, and the Washington Post reported Tuesday that the unfortunate component of the deadly pet food was neither " wheat gluten nor rice protein as advertised, but seriously contaminated wheat flour ... ."

Yes, and melamine scrap is neither the only contaminant nor, the New York Times reports, especially toxic by itself.

There are a number of contaminants in the flour (not gluten). Through interaction, they make the concoction "toxic," Richard Goldstein of the Cornell University School of Veterinary Medicine told the New York Times on Tuesday.

One of those "other" contaminants is said to be cyanuric acid, which like melamine scrap was added to profitably increase the flour's measured protein content.

Yes, Velma, an intimidating list of federal experts have come together to tell us that the catfish, chickens and other livestock fed to market on products made from the flour, whose range of contaminants is apparently yet to be established, may be quite safe for all of us to eat.

Please put some more of that strawberry stuff in my tea, will you Velma?

Did you say strychnine? Truly, I forgot that strychnine may be reddish in color, or pink.

Rather the way regulators reportedly forgot how to distinguish wheat flour from wheat gluten.

They are, after all, as hard to tell apart as sand and grits.

I feel so safe now, as do my cats.

Don't you?

• FDA Tainted Animal Feed/Pet Food Recall page.
• Search an FDA combined recall list.